theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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