My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The Olympian is in my bed
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
