Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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