my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
