My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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