I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
