Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
