I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
this will be a night to untag.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
