You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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