i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
