I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
