The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
