wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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