I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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