I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need to align my fucking chakras
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
