Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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