either way he was missing a nipple.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
