Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
