He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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