he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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