I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
