That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
