So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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