How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
two words: eviction party
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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