Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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