you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think i got beer on your cat.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
