You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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