Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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