I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
