so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
