So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's blow job season.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
