he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
