Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
