Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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