sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
