Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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