I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
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if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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