Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
