After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
