Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
