dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
