just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
