You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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