were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
