I wannas sexs uuuuu
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
