Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I came so hard my ears popped.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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