you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
