I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
