so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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