Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
