apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
