your parents love me but you hate me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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