I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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