are you so shy because you have an std?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
whose parrot is this?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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