I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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