No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
