The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
