I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Everclear isn't food dammit
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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