I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
