Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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