I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
