My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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