every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
