It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
