If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry about my life...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
