he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
