i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
