My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
