my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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