Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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