carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I need to sanitize my soul.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
