So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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