your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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