I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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