I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
