you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
