I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
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We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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