Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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