i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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