If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wish you could order shots online.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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