I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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