I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
