Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
