Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
