How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I am one with the molecules
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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