Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
