wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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