I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
