I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
