Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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