I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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