Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
